Loogies at the Gym

ALL RISE.

Court is now in session; the honorable Judgey Bear presiding.

First case on the docket is People versus Hock-a-Loogey Lady.

DA: At approximately 8:00 am this morning, witnesses state Ms. Loogey did loudly and repeatedly hock a loogey and spit it out on the shower floor at the gym.

JUDGEY BEAR: Gross.

DA: Indeed. If it pleases Your Judginess, I’d like to call Megan Ferrell to recall the event as it transpired this morning.

JUDGEY BEAR: Of course.

MEGAN: Your Honor, I was just starting to suds up when it started. So loud. So gross. After the second loogey, I started to gag.

DA: How many times did you hear the hockage?

MEGAN: Four or five.

DA: Thank you. Prosecution rests.

JUDGEY BEAR: Loogey Lady, please step forward. What say you? Did you commit these acts?

LOOGEY LADY: Yeah, but it’s not like it was in public. It’s a locker room. Geez.

JUDGEY BEAR: Let me put it this way. Where did the loogies go after leaving you?

LL: Umm…in the shower stall? Down the drain?

JUDGEY BEAR: The same shower stall that will be used by other gym-goers?

LL: Yeah…

JUDGEY BEAR: So, basically, in a room full of women, you spit snot and bile and gunk all over the shower floor, where others will walk, possibly with their bare feet?

LL: Sure, but it’s a shower. And it’s not like I had control…

JUDGEY BEAR: Funny you should say that, because you do have control. You have to go to some effort to hock one. And to do so anywhere besides your own bathroom suggests a blatant disregard for other humans. I have no choice but to find you guilty and sentence you to a week of Loogey Rehabilitation.

LL: Your honor?

JUDGEY BEAR: Loogey Rehabilitation. Inspired by my own childhood experience, truth be told. A rehabilitation officer will pin you to the ground, hock a loogey, and dangle it over your face. Repeatedly.

LL:  But what if it falls?

JUDGEY BEAR: I suggest you keep your mouth closed.

<bang bang> Next case!