ALL RISE.
Court is now in session; the honorable Judgey Bear
presiding.
First case on the docket is People versus Hock-a-Loogey
Lady.
DA: At approximately 8:00 am this morning, witnesses state
Ms. Loogey did loudly and repeatedly hock a loogey and spit it out on the
shower floor at the gym.
JUDGEY BEAR: Gross.
DA: Indeed. If it pleases Your Judginess, I’d like to call
Megan Ferrell to recall the event as it transpired this morning.
JUDGEY BEAR: Of course.
MEGAN: Your Honor, I was just starting to suds up when it
started. So loud. So gross. After the second loogey, I started to gag.
DA: How many times did you hear the hockage?
MEGAN: Four or five.
DA: Thank you. Prosecution rests.
JUDGEY BEAR: Loogey Lady, please step forward. What say you?
Did you commit these acts?
LOOGEY LADY: Yeah, but it’s not like it was in public. It’s
a locker room. Geez.
JUDGEY BEAR: Let me put it this way. Where did the loogies
go after leaving you?
LL: Umm…in the shower stall? Down the drain?
JUDGEY BEAR: The same shower stall that will be used by
other gym-goers?
LL: Yeah…
JUDGEY BEAR: So, basically, in a room full of women, you
spit snot and bile and gunk all over the shower floor, where others will walk,
possibly with their bare feet?
LL: Sure, but it’s a shower. And it’s not like I had control…
JUDGEY BEAR: Funny you should say that, because you do have
control. You have to go to some effort to hock one. And to do so anywhere
besides your own bathroom suggests a blatant disregard for other humans. I have
no choice but to find you guilty and sentence you to a week of Loogey
Rehabilitation.
LL: Your honor?
JUDGEY BEAR: Loogey Rehabilitation. Inspired by my own
childhood experience, truth be told. A rehabilitation officer will pin you to
the ground, hock a loogey, and dangle it over your face. Repeatedly.
LL: But what if it
falls?
JUDGEY BEAR: I suggest you keep your mouth closed.
<bang bang> Next case!
